Jack aged 27, has been volunteering at the Good Shepherd for just over a year. He assists as a kitchen porter during our busy food service. This is his story:
Please note this story contains discussion around suicide. This may be triggering or unsuitable for a younger audience.
I’d say it all started with school really, I proper struggled, and I kind of gave up. I was that typical kid who skipped class, was always getting into trouble. I thought education isn’t for me so why bother?
After that I did try apprenticeships, employment, there was a lot of stuff, but I just couldn’t seem to hack it. I think struggle a lot with instant gratification, so if it didn’t work for me right away, I was like well I’m done with that then.
For 8 years, I was completing coasting, all I really did with my life was drink. It reached the point that I had alcohol induced psychosis. And all the mental health issues that comes with it, you don’t really sleep, you don’t have a routine, day by day you do nothing really, and then when you are doing something it’s drugs or drinking. It’s memory loss basically and it caused depression. If you think, what did I do today and there’s nothing, it all just blends in into one big blob.
I just figured I’d drink myself to an early grave and I became suicidal. There are these two bridges in Walsall, famous for jumpers, they’ve now blockaded them off now. But I was at that bridge 5 Christmases ago, thinking about it. Luckily a police cruiser, came up and said to me “What you doing there mate? Will you come in the car, please?” And they drove me back home.
I was pretty much lost in the cracks throughout the whole thing because I didn’t understand support services were out there really, so I didn’t seek them.
I didn’t have support from friends or family either because I got too good at hiding it. People think he’s always got a smile on his face; he’s always cracking jokes but inside it was horrible.
I never really made decisions for myself. I let other people plant ideas in my head and went with it. If something didn’t work out, I just gave up too easily, I think a lot of that is because I didn’t decide it for myself.
The big thing that helped me was getting a dog. My friend’s dog was pregnant, and he asked me if I wanted one from the litter. I’ve grown up around dogs, so I figured I knew what I was doing, but it was a puppy and I didn’t have a clue.
It was a learning curve, and he gave me something to be responsible for. My routine used to be waking up probably well into the evening. Then immediately it was like what drinks are left and grabbing one. But when I got my dog it was like I can’t do that, because he’s hounding at me – he wants to go outside, and I’ve got to do stuff.
It’s because of him I felt ready to do this (volunteering), I finally felt ready to be doing something with my life again.
Volunteering at the Good Shepherd has given me something to actually do with myself. I think before, I was just lost. It felt like whenever I tried to make a plan with my life, it just went bad. But people actually have an expectation of me now and I’m responsible for something.
At some point I should be doing the Food Hygiene and Safety Course, Level 2 because I figured I should get a qualification in something I enjoy doing. This is the first time I’m going into something I’ve decided for myself.
Good Shepherd is a really good place for people like me. Volunteering has kept me busy, it’s given me purpose. It’s fulfilling for me and I feel like I’m actually being of help. All the ambition, drive and responsibilities I didn’t have, I know have it.